Week 2 of my Relationships, Love, and Boys series and this one is definitely the hardest one to post.
I wrote this a while back during the cold months of January and February. I wrote this when I was feeling low when I was feeling sorry for myself for being single*, and I was feeling like no guys were ever going to be interested in me.
I was reading through the book of Galatians at the time and right in the first chapter I came across this verse:
“Obviously I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.” (Galatians 1:10 NLT)
Reading this really struck me. I say this because just days before when I was feeling sorry for myself and really longing for a man I downloaded a dating app, I created a profile and uploaded my best pictures… I had joined Tinder.
So here is a little background on the app Tinder: You connect your Facebook profile and you choose your 5 best pictures. Then you go through profiles of the opposite sex and based on his or her pictures you swipe right if you are interested and you swipe left if you are not interested. So if you swipe right on someone and they swipe right on you then you make a match and you can message each other and see where it goes from there.
Tinder is just a dating app, it can be harmless and fun to use, but for me, it was kind of toxic.
I didn’t go on Tinder to talk to guys; I went on Tinder for reassurance. I needed to know if guys thought I was pretty.
At first I was so afraid to swipe right for anyone because I thought no one would ever swipe right on me and then … I had a match!
It felt so good knowing that a guy swiped right on my photo. It made me so happy (too happy).
And then, I got another match! By this time it was almost 1am so I turned off my phone and went to bed (just so you know, I never actually ended up messaging any of these guys, I matched with them and that was it).
The next day I checked the app probably 15 times at least. Ladies, I even checked it while I was sitting at church waiting for the service to start. I was hooked on the app already.
It was so bad because I was using the app to find some self-worth not a boyfriend.
It made me feel good to know that guys thought I looked cute in my pictures.
I was never planning on talking to the guys or meeting up with them, I was just curious about the Tinderverse and I wanted to see who was out there and if anyone thought I was worthy enough to swipe right.
Unlike Paul, I was trying to win the approval of others and it very quickly became an idol for me. Thinking of it now, it is kinda scary. It was a time when I was vulnerable and the devil used that to his advantage.
I deleted the app shortly after. I only had it for two days.
The scariest part is that I wanted to go back on it again. The temptation to re-download the app was there and it was strong.
I know that “if pleasing people were my goal, I would not (and could not) be a servant of God.” And I want to serve and live for God.
But you know what is stronger? Christ’s love for us. Jesus swiped right before seeing my picture; he swiped right before I was even a thought in my parents’ mind.
From my short experience on Tinder I have learned that I don’t need a guy to swipe right on me to know that I am a cool chick! I know I’m a cutie and I’m a good gal. When I’m having bad days and start feeling like no guy will ever want me, I remember the one guy who wants me enough to die for me – Jesus. He wants you too. He’s all we need.
Thanks for reading,
*sisters, never feel sorry for being single! Embrace the singlehood. You are a strong independent woman and you can conquer the world without a man by your side!!